... God has ALWAYS been good.
(I was watching the sound of music in Italian yesterday, so that title was inevitable :) )
So, my interview yesterday went well, I'd say! I found out that I am one of the top three candidates for two full-time positions at CSAT. I filmed myself teaching a 30 minute math lesson on order of operations. It was a game.. who doesn't love games?! But before the game began, I had to review what the kids understood about PEMDAS and explain the rules of the game. We did an example of the game together, and they did seem to struggle a bit with the idea of 2(8) meaning 2 times 8, and multiplying two numbers together first before subtracting. However, when I sent them loose (hehe) to do a round or two of the game on their own, they DID get it, from the work I observed. I introduced the model for getting their attention at the beginning, which was a HUGE help throughout the lesson. at the end, each student completed an exit ticket to show me what they'd learned, and as I was leaving they were so cute- "you're a good teacher," and "I like the way you teach," and "miss! I memorized PEMDAS! Parentheses, Exponents,....." :)
Yesterday I began to see very clearly how much God has blessed me (UNDESERVEDLY!) and worked in my life, and how little I recognized it at the time. Going to private, Christian schools under the aid of the Bison fund; in my senior year of high school, my principal approaching me and offering to "get me into"the Honors Program at Buff State (literally.. when I got there and others asked me how applied to get into the program, I had to say, "I have no idea, my principal filled out all the forms and stuff!"); being graciously welcomed into the community of Intervarsity Christian Fellowship, which gave me leadership and growth opportunities that make me who I am today; my amazing, supportive, Bible rooted church and church FAMILY; of course my Christian parents and siblings who taught me to love the Lord... WOW! I feel like I relate to Mrs. Sauer's feelings, after being married and having children- "how blessed can someone be???"
Not that I haven't experienced anything hard in my life. And I am certain that I will undergo hard times in the future, and that God's grace will carry me through. But I am sad to realize that I often do not given (and had not given) God all the credit for where I am today. I worked hard in high school and college, so of course I should teach like a boss, easy peasy! Right? I was so accustomed of having blessings practically handed to me, so this is the norm, eh? I do good stuff, I get good stuff, I thank God after. No, no... blessings have nothing to do with our deserving, and everything to do with God's mercy and grace.
This is why I had such a hard time with student teaching, because... well, because it was so hard! I felt ill-equipped to handle... just how ill-equipped I felt. I didn't know how to struggle. I thought it might mean that I couldn't be a teacher if it was hard or scary at first. And, I didn't realize, until I struggled through this time, JUST how dependent I am upon God my Father. And oh, how good and powerful He is! Student teaching was, at this point in my life, the hardest thing I have gone through.. but I wouldn't trade the experience for the world. For it taught me to lean fully on the Everlasting Arms. Proverbs 3:5&6 and all of those lovely verses about GOD being our strength became real to me. My family and church family came around me to support me in unthinkably LOVING ways. And now I can look back and see throughout my life, "not what my hands have done." God created me, He sustains me, Christ has saved me, and the Holy Spirit transforms and guides me! Day by day :)
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